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Mindful parenting
Filed Under (Uncategorized, mindfulness, mindfulness exercises) by admin on 20-02-2009
It is good to carry our mindfulness practice through the day. In any way we can. I like to try to be mindfull when I am arounf people, especially people who are dear to me.
And who are the dearest people I have? My children!
Very often, I see myself making the mistake of not being calm enough around them. Even sometimes yelling when they do not do what I want, or when they do not do it fast enough. Kids are truly a great source of joy, and of frustration.
So, I was very pleased when I saw this interview with Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn about mindfull parenting
It ends with twelve exercises for mindfull parenting the I would like to reprint here:
1. Try to imagine the world from your child’s point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind you of who this child is and what he or she faces in the world.
This is excellent advice, and it can be applied to just any body. Not just your children
2. Imagine how you appear and sound from your child’s point of view; imagine having you as a parent today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, what you say? How do you want to relate to your child in this moment?
3. Practice seeing your children as perfect just the way they are. Work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.
Beause in reality, they are perfect. Well, almost that is.
4. Be mindful of your expectations of your children, and consider whether they are truly in your children’s best interests. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect your children.
5. Practice altruism, putting the needs of your children above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn’t some common ground where your needs can also be met. You may be surprised at how much overlap is possible, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.
6. When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still. Meditate on the whole by bringing your full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what really needs to be done.
7. Try embodying silent presence. Listen carefully.
This, for some reason, comes easy to me. I like to listen to all the things they invent. I can spend lots of times listening to them. But sometimes, I see myself be absent when they talk.
8. Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. Practice moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome occur. See what is “workable” if you are willing to trust your intuition and best instincts.
9. Apologize to your child when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing, and they demonstrate that you see a situation more clearly, or more from your child’s point of view. But “I’m sorry” loses its meaning if we are always saying it, or if we make regret a habit.
I guess this can be tricky. I do this with my children, but I have much more trouble doing that with my wife and parents. Strang how family relations can be so different.
10. Every child is special, and every child has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of each child in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.
11. There are very important times when we need to practice being clear and strong and unequivocal with our children. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness and generosity and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid and controlling.
12. The greatest gift you can give your child is your self. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and in awareness. We have to be grounded in the present moment to share what is deepest and best in ourselves.
Please feel free to add in the comments which one of these tips you liked most. And are practicing. They can be a great help for better parenting.
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good advice, very useful for the difficult task of educating children!
My wife is about to have our first baby, so this is great info. That’s for the post!
This is truly lovely, a greater awareness by all to be minful of others, not just children, would make the world a much better place.
Great parenting advice. My daughter is 18 and I have not always been mindful with her as I let other things bother me and affect my parenting. But I am getting married again and his children are younger so I will have a second chance to use the wisdom I have picked up.
Well, you know, I wish my mother was more patient with me as a child. Even though I love her still, I am also resentful in some ways. I am her only child, and she would always yell. I felt like no one understood me or took the time to try. That is good that you are self aware. I wish parents would take the time to sit back and remember how it was when they were a kid.
12. The greatest gift you can give your child is your self. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and in awareness. We have to be grounded in the present moment to share what is deepest and best in ourselves. >>> this is the part I love the most.
Looking at how you appear and sound from your child’s point of view would have to be the most important for me. Sometimes the way you would like your child to see you isn’t the way you behave towards them, especially if you are tired. Also number 5 your child’s needs should always come first and that’s a good idea finding a balance.
10. Every child is special, and every child has special needs.
this fact is more than true, every child is different from others , there isnt one like another one.
Having a baby doesn’t come with a guideline or blueprint to follow; so I think more adults should follow tips like these to help them learn how to become better parents.
thanks for taking time to offer pointers on parenting children….it’s crucial information.
I will stick to the Word Of God as my basis for teaching my children….
Thanks for posting such kind of usefull information.Keep Posted in future as well.Thank you!
Nice, keep posting such stuff in the future as well. We will be looking at you.
Thanks
wow nice post ,
“Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance.” is kinda true and i will try to do it more than before.
“Every child is special, and every child has special needs.”
thats 100% true, every child has his own specials and need other special things. like u can’t let a boy play with barbies.
You managed to place some clear distinction between what is coddling and what is nurturing. I think it is important to place expectations in perspective. Too often we see parents investing their own desires and ambitions at the expense of their children’s actual interests and capabilities. This can setup all the conditions for future rebellious behavior or more critically, an inability to survive failure and move forward.
Hi: That is very good i am interested in it.Appreciate sharing with us.
Nice article, really detailed; and you have covered some really important aspects.One other advantage is there, which is very crucial.
Hi: That is very good advice and very useful. I am interested in it. Appreciate sharing with me.